jobs,' they say, 'an' if they stay in they'se no more chanst iv iver
ilictin' a dimmycrat again thin there wud be iv ilictin' a raypublican
if we got in,' they say. 'Do ye mix us up a replevy writ an' we'll go
over an' haul th' chair fr'm undher thim,' they say."

   "So th' judge passes out a replevy writ be vartue iv th' thrust that's
been reposed in him be th' comity and gives it to Colonel Jack Chinn,
wan iv th' leaders iv th' Kentucky bar, f'r to serve. An' Colonel Jack
Chinn ar-rms himsilf as becomes a riprisintative iv a gr-reat coort
goin' to sarve a sacred writ iv replevy on th' usurper to th' loftiest
or wan iv th' loftiest jobs that th' people iv a gloryous state can
donate to a citizen. He sthraps on three gatlin' guns, four revolvers,
two swords, a rifle, a shot gun, a baseball bat, a hand grenade (to be
used on'y in case iv thirst), a pair iv handcuffs, brass knuckles, a
sandbag, a piece of lead pipe in a stockin', a rabbit's foot f'r luck, a
stove lid an' a can iv dinnymite, an' with siveral iv his cillybrated
knives behind his ears, in his hair, between his teeth, an' gleamin'
fr'm his pockets, he sallies forth on his sacred mission, an' gives th'
writ to a clerk to sarve, an' stays in town himsilf, where he
successfully resists all charges iv th' bartinder. Th' clerk goes up to
th' state house, where th' gov'nor is ixicutin' th' high thrust reposed
in him be himsilf, behind breastworks an' guarded be some iv th' most
desp'rate an' pathriotic ruffyans in th' state. 'What have ye there?'
says his ixcillincy, with his hand on th' sthring iv a dinnymite gun. 'A
writ fr'm th' coort bouncin' ye fr'm ye'er high office,' says th' clerk.
'As a law abidin' citizen,' says his ixcillincy, 'an' an official
enthrusted be th' people iv this glad state with th' exicution iv th'
statutes I bow to th' law,' he says. 'But,' he says, 'I'll be hanged if
I'll bow to th' decree iv anny low browed pussillanimous dimmycratic
coort,' he says, 'Sojers,' he says, 'seize this disturber iv th' peace
an' stick him in th' cellar. Jawn,' he says, 'ar-rm ye'ersilf an'
proceed to th' raypublican timple iv justice in Hogan's saloon an' have
th' stanch an' upright Judge Blood prepare some good honest writs iv th'
party iv Lincoln an' Grant,' he says. 'In th' manetime, as th'
constitootion has lost its sights an' the cylinder don't revolve,' he
says, 'I suspind it an' proclaim martial law,' he says. 'I want a law,'
he says, 'that mesilf an' all other good citizens can rayspict,' he
says. 'I want wan,' he says, 'that's been made undher me own personal
supervision,' he says. 'Hand-made, copper distilled, wan hun-dherd an'

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