Mr. Dooley's Philosophy

   "So he's a citizen iv Gr-reat Britain now an' a lile subject iv th'

   Queen like you was Hinnissy befure ye was r-run out."

   "I niver was," said Mr. Hennessy. "Sure th' Queen iv England was
renounced f'r me long befure I did it f'r mesilf—to vote."

   "Well, niver mind," Mr. Dooley continued, "he's a citizen iv England an'
he has a castle that's as big as a hotel, on'y nobody goes there excipt
thim that's ast, an' not all of those, an' he owns a newspaper an' th'
editor iv it's the Prince iv Wales an' th' rayporthers is all jooks an'
th' Archbishop iv Canterbury r-runs th' ilivator, an' slug wan in th'
printin' office is th' Impror iv Germany in disgeese. 'Tis a pa-per I'd
like to see. I'd like to know how th' Jook iv Marlbro'd do th' McGovern
fight. An' some day Willum Waldorf Asthor'll be able to wurruk f'r his
own pa-aper, f'r he's goin' to be a earl or a markess or a jook or
somethin' gran'. Ye can't be anny iv these things without money,
Hinnissy, an' he has slathers iv it."

   "Where does he get it?" demanded Mr. Hennessy.

   "F'rm this counthry," said Mr. Dooley.

   "I shud think," Mr. Hennessy protested stoutly, "if he's ashamed iv this
counthry he wudden't want to take money f'rm it."

   "That's where ye're wrong," Mr. Dooley replied. "Take money annywhere ye
find it. I'd take money f'rm England, much as I despise that formerly
haughty but now dejected land, if I cud get anny from there. An' whin ye
come down to it, I dinnaw as I blame Willum Waldorf Asthor f'r shiftin'
his allegiance. Ivry wan to his taste as th' man said whin he dhrank out
iv th' fire extinguisher. It depinds on how ye feel. If ye ar-re a tired
la-ad an' wan without much fight in ye, livin' in this counthry is like
thryin' to read th' Lives iv the Saints at a meetin' iv th' Clan-na-
Gael. They'se no quiet f'r annybody. They's a fight on ivry minyit iv
th' time. Ye may say to ye'ersilf: 'I'll lave these la-ads roll each
other as much as they plaze, but I'll set here in th' shade an' dhrink
me milk punch, but ye can't do it. Some wan 'll say, 'Look at that
gazabo settin' out there alone. He's too proud f'r to jine in 
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