"Yes," the wife snapped, "and in your opinion your faults are better than other folks' virtues."

   The child had been greatly impressed by her first experience in Sunday school. She pressed her hands to her breast, and said solemnly to her sister, two years older:

   "When you hear something wite here, it is conscience whispering to you."

   "It's no such thing," the sister jeered. "That's just wind on your tummie."

   His companion bent over the dying man, to catch the last faintly whispered words. The utterance came with pitiful feebleness, yet with sufficient clearness:

   "I am dying—yes. Go to Fannie. Tell her—I died—with her name—on my lips, that I—loved her—her alone—always ... And Jennie—tell Jennie—the same thing."

   A zealous church member in a Kentucky village made an earnest effort to convert a particularly vicious old mountaineer named Jim, who was locally notorious for his godlessness. But the old man was hard-headed and stubborn, firmly rooted in his evil courses, so that he resisted the pious efforts in his behalf.

   "Jim," the exhorter questioned sadly at last, "ain't you teched by the story of the Lord what died to save yer soul?"

   "Humph!" Jim retorted contemptuously. "Air ye aimin' to tell me the Lord died to save me, when He ain't never seed me, ner knowed me?"

   "Jim," the missionary explained with fervor, "it was a darn sight easier for the Lord to die fer ye jest because He never seed ye than if He knowed ye as well as we-alls do!"

   The housewife gave the tramp a large piece of pie on condition that he should saw some wood. The tramp retired to the woodshed, but presently he reappeared at the back door of the house with the piece of pie still intact save for one mouthful bitten from the end.

   "Madam," he said respectfully to the wondering woman, "if it's all the same to you, I'll eat the wood, and saw the pie."

   The witness was obviously a rustic and quite new to the ways of a court-room. So, the judge directed him:

   "Speak to the jury, sir—the men sitting behind you on the benches."

   The witness turned, bowed clumsily and said:

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