had been a belle a few decades past.

   "Why don't you offer me the whole wig?" the maiden lady gibed, with a titter.

   The bachelor retorted with icy disdain:

   "You are very biting, madam, considering that your teeth are porcelain."

   *    *    *

   The young man, dancing with the girl to whom he had just been introduced, remarked with the best of intentions, but rather unfortunately:

   "That's the new waltz. My sister was raving about it. I think it's pretty bad. I expect she danced it with somebody rather nice."

   *    *    *

   In former times, when royalties were more important, a lady at a court ball was intensely gratified when a prince selected her as a partner. She was almost overwhelmed with pride when he danced a second measure with her.

   "Oh," she gushed, as she reposed blissfully in his arms, "your highness does me too great honor."

   The prince answered coldly:

   "But no, madam. Merely, my physician has directed me to perspire."

   The widow was deep in suds over the family wash, when she saw her pastor coming up the path to the door. She gave directions to her young son to answer the bell, and to tell the clergyman that his mother had just gone down the street on an errand. Since the single ground floor room of the cottage offered no better hiding place against observation from the door, she crouched behind a clothes-horse hung with drying garments. When the boy had opened the door to the minister, and had duly delivered the message concerning his mother's absence, the reverend gentleman cast a sharp look toward the screen of drying clothes, and addressed the boy thus:

   "Well, my lad, just tell your mother I called. And you might say to her that the next time she goes down the street, she should take her feet along."

   "I suppose I must admit that I do have my faults," the husband remarked in a tone that was far from humble.

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