"Yes," was the serene reply, "but I have to stay aboard."

   The Southerner in the North, while somewhat mellow, discoursed eloquently of conditions in his home state. He concluded in a burst of feeling:

   "In that smiling land, suh, no gentleman is compelled to soil his hands with vulgar work. The preparing of the soil for the crops is done by our niggers, suh, and the sowing of the crops, and the reaping of the crops—all done by the niggers.... And the selling is done by the sheriff."

   One Japanese bragged to another that he made a fan last twenty years by opening only a fourth section, and using this for five years, then the next section, and so on.

   The other Japanese registered scorn.

   "Wasteful!" he ejaculated. "I was better taught. I make a fan last a lifetime. I open it wide, and hold it under my nose quite motionless. Then I wave my head."

   *    *    *

   Wife:—"Women are not extravagant. A woman can dress smartly on a sum that would keep a man looking shabby."

   Husband:—"That's right. What you dress on keeps me looking shabby."

   In these days of difficulty in securing domestic servants, mistresses will accept almost any sort of help, but there are limits. A woman interrogated a husky girl in an employment office, who was a recent importation from Lapland. The dialogue was as follows:

   "Can you do fancy cooking?"

   "Naw."

   "Can you do plain cooking?"

   "Naw."

   "Can you sew?"

   "Naw."

   "Can you do general housework?"

   "Naw."

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