In the days before prohibition, a bibulous person issued from a saloon in a state of melancholy intoxication, and outside the door he encountered a teetotaler friend.

   The friend exclaimed mournfully:

   "Oh, John, I am so sorry to see you come out of such a place as that!"

   The bibulous one wept sympathetically.

   "Then," he declared huskily, "I'll go right back!" And he did.

   *    *    *

   When the Kentucky colonel was in the North, some one asked him if the Kentuckians were in fact very bibulous.

   "No, suh," the colonel declared. "I don't reckon they're mo' than a dozen Bibles in the whole state."

   *    *    *

   The Irish gentleman encountered the lady who had been ill, and made gallant inquiries.

   "I almost died," she explained. "I had ptomaine-poisoning."

   "And is it so?" the Irishman gushed. And he added in a burst of confidence: "What with that, ma'am, and delirium tremens, a body these days don't know what he dare eat or drink."

   The police physician was called to examine an unconscious prisoner, who had been arrested and brought to the station-house for drunkenness. After a short examination, the physician addressed the policeman who had made the arrest.

   "This fellow is not suffering from the effects of alcohol. He has been drugged."

   The policeman was greatly disturbed, and spoke falteringly:

   "I'm thinkin', ye're right, sor. I drugged him all the way to the station."

   The traveler was indignant at the slow speed of the train. He appealed to the conductor:

   "Can't you go any faster than this?"

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