ANGEL. Something behind a show—and always something behind.

   APE. To imitate. For instance: The man who imitates his betters is the easiest man to make a monkey of.

   APPLAUSE. The fuss which we think the world ought to make over us for doing our duty.

   AUTOMOBILE. A horseless idea which makes people go fast and the money go faster. A tide in the affairs of man which, taken between the shoulder blades and the curbstone, leads on to the hospital.

   AXE-GRINDING. The art practiced by those who give you a cookie so they can touch you for a barrel of flour. The axe-grinding industry had its origin in the Garden of Eden. The Serpent was extremely partial to Autumn, so he gave Eve a nice red apple, and in exchange she gave the Serpent an early Fall. (See Lord Macaulay, page 34.)

   AIRSHIP. A machine invented for the purpose of flying through the newspapers.

   See M. Santos Dumont. In case he isn't in when you call a part of his autobiography is printed herewith: "My first yearning," writes M. Santos—see page 97—"was for an opportunity to rise in the world.

   "When but a little boy my dearest wish was to get up to the top of the ladder and then have someone remove the ladder. If I stayed up I knew I was successful. If I came down I didn't know anything for a week or two."

   The reader will notice a peculiarity about this gentleman's name. It starts off with "M" and then there is eight bars rest until it comes to Santos. This is a French custom. Every man in France begins his first name with "M" and then refuses to tell the rest of it. It seems such a stingy habit.

   Let us quote more from M. Dumont's own story:

   "My first desire to get off the earth happened while I was extremely young.

   "One day while out in the Brazilian diamond fields picking the luscious white stones from the trees it suddenly occurred to me what a frivolous life I was leading.

   "Diamonds, diamonds everywhere and not a place to pawn.

   "I became restless.

   "My father owned the diamond plantation so I went to him and explained what a tired feeling I had, and how I longed to rise in the world.

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