The Bad Boy At Home And His Experiences In Trying To Become An Editor - 1885
tumbel over each other and scrambel for it. Before they got it, it was tore all up, in little bits, and most every gal wot got a peece, unbuttoned there jerseys, and stowed it way in there bussums. Fishkill, like Yungcurs, has got a purty good name, cos it emits a perfume, very surgestive of cleenin fish, wot was fresh wen Preserdent Buckannon was inaugerated.

   Mr. Gilley was feelin orful proud of his recepshuns, all long the line, & it warnt till we got to Albany that he found out that the peepel took him for Preserdent Arthur. Then he got orful indignant, & made the air of the cur smell like condensed sulfur gas, the way he swared. He sez his xperience of unkindnesses has been purty big in his lifetime, but that the peepel of New York State shuld take him for his Axerdensy was the gol durndest unkindest cut of all, and he'd be struck by litenin, with a asse's jaw, if he didn't make the furst barber he seen shave them leg-a-mutton sidebords clene off, cos they was bringin his bald hed inter disgrace. Wen we got to Troy we was met by the Centril Committee, and druv round to all the salloons, so as we'd see all the sites, & set em up for the crowd. I heer the band pleyin "See the conqrin hearo comes." I guess the populace is waitin for me, so I'll have to stop ritin now.

   My bussum swells to-nite with pride cos we've tuk the town by storm. If peepel warnt all Demmycrats before, they is now, cos our speechyfyin has struck in purty deep. The meetin was a grand suckcess fizzically, morally, numerrically, and, I guess, votingly.

   From the furst, we pollytishuns was received with a perfect ovashun. Chair after chair rended the air, and the seen was only comparable to the nitely concerts of the tommas cats and there parrymores on the back fences of 42d street.

   The silence was so grate you culd of hurd a dudine smile, wen Mr. Gilley, in answer to a request to say sumthin bout the tariff, sed: "Gentlemen and other Demmercrats, I regret very much that I can not axceed to your request to menshun that all important questshun, the tariff. My hart is reddy to bust with greef wen I think how menney of you listened last Thursday nite to that Republercan demmygog, John Sherman, and was deseeved. I met that gentelman in a hotel in New York the other day. Sum one axed him if he'd sed enything in his Troy speech bout the tariff. 'Yes,' sed he, 'I fed them durn country gallutes with tariff taffy til they was runnin over.' I shall refrane from sayin enythin more on the subject, cos you want to let your stummacks settel again fore you take a nuther emettick." Mr. Gilley 
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