finished up his speech, by pointin to the glorious victory in Oio, and urgin the dem-mercrazey to "wurk, wurk, for the day is at hand. Look at Oio. A Republican legislatur begat a baby, & it called it Seccund Amendment Propersishun, it put it up, for the admirashun of the peepel. The demmercrazy had a baby also, it was cristened Wiskey, it grew fat, saucy, & popular. Seccund Amendment Propersishun appared to hav ben a littel too previous, wen it come round, & grew to be a littel, puney, sickley, child. Wot would eny mother have done? Wouldnt she have hired a wet nurse? Did the Republican mother do this? No, gentlemen, not by a long shot she didn't! She got ashamed of the baby, & abandoned it at the dores of the wimmin of Oio, leavin it to them, to bring up on the bottel. This was not all, gentlemen, the hartless mother got jellus, & tride to steel littel Wiskey. But the grate buxom, german frawleen, wot he had for nuss, couldnt see it a tall. Too much bottel. Too much W. C. T. U. soothin sirrup, & too many wimmin, killed the poor littel cast off, Seccund Amendment Propersishun, and the remanes was berried last Tuesday. Littel Wiskey is growin to be a big & lazy boy, mother & father doin well."

   This was too much for the crowd 'cos they got wild with nthusyasm, & shoved us in a carriage, & hauled us all over Troy.

   The luv I bare the grand, anshunt, and onherabel partie of the grate unwashed, tempts me to pass over, the grand finale of todays proceedins. But my dutie as a chronickler of actooal events, compels me to menshun the fact that after our late drive tonite, the select sircle of pollytishuns, partuk of a banquet, and becom so full of grattytude, sour mash, and old borbon prinsipels, that they are now, down stares, humbly bitin' the dust of the dinin room flure, and confessin there mannyfold sins, & trespasses, to the open and obligin eers, of half a dozen nickel plated cusspy-dores.

   I feel most too tired to rite in you tonite, Mr. Diry, but I guess I'll tell you wot made me feel so xerted. After the meetin and banquet was over last nite, the cullured gentelman, wot was in attendanse, at the hotel, ushered me up to my room wot was on the skie balconey teer.

   I got off my cloes & jumped inter bed, as quick as possibel, cos I was purty well used up. i'd jest got inter a sleep, & was dreemin I was a candydate for Preserdent, on the no-nuthin platform, with Benny Butler hung on the tail of the ticket, wen I was woke up by feelin sumthin like a lectric shock creepin over me. I begun to get scared, cos I felt like I was gettin the seven yares ich, so I crep outer bed & lit the gas. On 

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