xammenashun I found a feerful lot of little wite lumps all over my bodie. Then I looked at the sheets, & a grande site was presented to my vishun. There on a littel knoll, of the fether bed, stood the commander-in-chief, surrounded by his staff, issuin orders. Grouped all round, in regyments, divishuns, & briggades, were comanys of privats in their full dress parade unyform of scarlet. As each regyment defiled passed the Commander, the band struck up the Nashunal anthem of:—

   The processhun was the most imposin I ever seen. The entire time taken in passin a given point was two hours and ten min-nits.

   At eggsactly 2:20 a.m., the army formed in a holler square, with the officers in the middel. The high priest then passed round them, skatterin insense all over the soldjers, and xhortin them to stand firm, cos vick-torie, glory & spoils was rite within there reech. Then he skattered sum more insense, wot smelt wuss than limbugger cheese, all over them.

   By this time it was 3 a. m., and I was gettin sumwhat nervus and cold, in my abbreevyated costume, my mercyfull disposishun and other considerations restrayned me from dealin out holesale slorter to the enemy. Wile I was tryin to devise meens to recapture my fortress, without incurrin the risk of a eppydemick, I seen the army form, in five divishuns. The one under Majah Genral Bloodsucker, bein ordered to scale the walls and take a posishun on the ceelin. The other four divishuns to assume the offensive, and attack me simultaneously on my flanks. Alas for me, too soon, I seen, my mercy had ben illtimed, nothin was left me but to make hasty preperashuns for the defense. Quickly I grabbed the wash basin, and slop bole, and placed each under a leg of my chare. There was nuthin else in the room, wot I cud use for a mote, in despyration I seized a copy of the New York

    Sun, Presbyteeryan Banner

   , and a book 'ntitled "Biblikal Reesons Why." Placin the

    Sun

   and "Biblikal Reesons Why," under the remainin unprotected legs of my chare, and holdin the

    Presbyteeryan Banner

   over my bed with a feendish laff, I mounted my fortyfour cashun, and awated the attack.

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