is. I wouldn't giv two cents to be a Congresser. The wuss insult
I ever received was when sertin citizens of Baldinsville axed me to
run fur the Legislater. Sez I, "My frends, dostest think I'd stoop
to that there?"  They turned as white as a sheet. I spoke in my
most orfullest tones & they knowed I wasn't to be trifled with.
They slunked out of site to onct.

   There4, havin no politics, I made bold to visit Old Abe at his
humstid in Springfield. I found the old feller in his parler,
surrounded by a perfeck swarm of orfice seekers. Knowin he had
been capting of a flat boat on the roarin Mississippy I thought I'd
address him in sailor lingo, so sez I, "Old Abe, ahoy! Let out yer
main-suls, reef hum the forecastle & throw yer jib-poop over-board!
Shiver my timbers, my harty!"  [N.B. This is ginuine mariner
langwidge. I know, becawz I've seen sailor plays acted out by them
New York theatre fellers.]  Old Abe lookt up quite cross & sez,
"Send in yer petition by & by. I can't possibly look at it now.
Indeed, I can't. It's onpossible, sir!"

   "Mr. Linkin, who do you spect I air?" sed I.

   "A orfice-seeker, to be sure," sed he.

   "Wall, sir," sed I, "you's never more mistaken in your life. You
hain't gut a orfiss I'd take under no circumstances. I'm A. Ward.
Wax figgers is my perfeshun. I'm the father of Twins, and they
look like me—BOTH OF THEM. I cum to pay a friendly visit to the
President eleck of the United States. If so be you wants to see
me, say so,—if not, say so & I'm orf like a jug handle."

   "Mr. Ward, sit down. I am glad to see you, Sir."

   "Repose in Abraham's Buzzum!" sed one of the orfice seekers, his
idee bein to git orf a goak at my expense.

   "Wall," sez I, "ef all you fellers repose in that there Buzzum
thar'll be mity poor nussin for sum of you!" whereupon Old Abe
buttoned his weskit clear up and blusht like a maidin of sweet
16. Jest at this pint of the conversation another swarm of
orfice-seekers arrove & cum pilin into the parler. Sum wanted

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