"They do so," said Mr. Dooley. "An' they'll get thim. By an' by th'
allied foorces will proceed to Peking. It may not be in ye'er life time
or in mine, or in th' life time iv th' ministhers, Hinnissy. They ar-re
in no hurry. Th' ministhers ar-re as comfortable as they can be on a
dite iv polo ponies an' bamboo, an' they have exercise enough dodgin'
cannon balls to have no fear iv indygisthion. They'se no need of haste.
Th' allied foorces must take no step forward while wan ar-rmed foe
survives. It was rayported last week that th' advance had begun, but on
sindin' out scouts 'twas discovered that th' asphalt road to th' capital
was not r-ready an' th' gallant sojer boys was afraid to risk their
beecycles on a defictive pavement. Thin th' parlor cars ordhered be th'
Rooshan admiral has not arrived an' wan iv th' Frinch gin'rals lost an
omelette, or whativer 'tis they wear on their shouldhers, an' he won't
budge till it can be replaced fr'm Pahrs. A sthrong corps iv miners an'
sappers has gone ahead f'r to lo-cate good resthrants on th' line iv
march, but th' weather is cloudy an' th' silk umbrellys haven't arrived,
an' they'se supposed to be four hundhred millyon Chiny-men with
pinwheels an' Roman candles blockin' th' way, so th' advance has been
postponed indifinitely. Th' American foorces is r-ready f'r to start
immejately, but they ar-re not there yet. Th' British gin'ral is waitin'
f'r th' Victorya cross befure he does annything, an' th' Japanese an'
th' Rooshan is dancin' up an' down sayin' 'Afther you, me boy.'"

   "But afther awhile, whin th' frost is on th' pumpkin an' th' corn is in
th' shock, whin th' roads has been repaired, an' ivry gin'ral's lookin'
his best, an' in no danger iv a cold on th' chist, they'll prance away.
An' whin they get to th' city iv Peking a fine cillybration is planned
be th' mission'ries. I see th' programme in th' pa-aper: First day, 10
A.M., prayers be th' allied mission'ries; 1 P.M., massacree iv the
impress an' rile fam'ly; sicond day, 10 A.M., scatthrin' iv remains iv
former kings; 11 A.M., disecration iv graves gin'rally; 2 P.M.,
massacree iv all gin'rals an' coort officials; third day, 12 noon,
burnin' iv Peking; foorth day, gran' pop'lar massacree an' division iv
territ'ry, th' cillybration to close with a rough-an'-tumble fight among
th' allies."

   "'Twill be a gr-reat occasion, Hinnissy, an' be-dad I'd like to be there
to see it. Ye can't go too sthrong again' th' Chinee. Me frind th'
impror iv Germany put it right. 'Brave boys,' says he, 'ye ar-re goin'

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