The Southern Colonel at Saratoga Springs, in the days before prohibition, directed the colored waiter at his table in the hotel: "You-all kin bring me a Kentucky breakfast." "An' what is that, sir?" the waiter inquired doubtfully. The Colonel explained: "Bring me a big steak, a bulldog and a quart of Bourbon whiskey." "But why do you order a bulldog?" asked the puzzled waiter. "To eat the steak, suh!" snapped the Colonel. The best illustration of the value of brief speech reckoned in dollars was given by Mark Twain. His story was that when he had listened for five minutes to the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was going to contribute fifty dollars, after ten minutes more of the sermon, he reduced the amount of his prospective contribution to twenty-five dollars, after half an hour more of eloquence, he cut the sum to five dollars. At the end of an hour of oratory when the plate was passed, he stole two dollars. A thriving baseball club is one of the features of a boy's organization connected with a prominent church. The team was recently challenged by a rival club. The pastor gave a special contribution of five dollars to the captain, with the direction that the money should be used to buy bats, balls, gloves, or anything else that might help to win the game. On the day of the game, the pastor was somewhat surprised to observe nothing new in the club's paraphernalia. He called the captain to him. "I don't see any new bats, or balls, or gloves," he said. "We haven't anything like that," the captain admitted. "But I gave you five dollars to buy them," the pastor exclaimed. "Well, you see," came the explanation, "you told us to spend it for bats, or balls, or gloves, or anything that we thought might help to win the game, so we gave it to the umpire." Two ladies in a car disputed concerning the window, and at last called the conductor as referee. "If this window is open," one declared, "I shall catch cold, and will probably die."
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