"I recall now," the mother spoke up, "I used to wear things of that sort until I married you."

   It was nine o'clock in the morning, but this particular passenger on the platform of the trolley car still wore a much crumpled evening suit.

   As the car swung swiftly around a curve this riotous liver was jolted off, and fell heavily on the cobble stones.

   The car stopped, and the conductor, running back, helped the unfortunate man to scramble to his feet. The bibulous passenger was severely shaken, but very dignified.

   "Collision?" he demanded.

   "No," the conductor answered.

   "Off the track?" was the second inquiry.

   "No," said the conductor again.

   "Well!" was the indignant rejoinder. "If I'd known that, I wouldn't have got off."

   *    *    *

   The very convivial gentleman left his club happy, but somewhat dazed. On his homeward journey, made tackingly, he ran against the vertical iron rods that formed a circle of protection for the trunk of a tree growing by the curb. He made a tour around the barrier four times, carefully holding to one rod until he had a firm grasp on the next. Then, at last, he halted and leaned despairingly against the rock to which he held, and called aloud for succor:

   "Hellup! hellup! Somebody let me out!"

   *    *    *

   The highly inebriated individual halted before a solitary tree, and regarded it as intently as he could, with the result that he saw two trees. His attempt to pass between these resulted in a near-concussion of the brain. He reeled back, but presently sighted carefully, and tried again, with the like result. When this had happened a half-dozen times, the unhappy man lifted up his voice and wept.

   "Lost—Lost!" he sobbed. "Hopelessly lost in an impenetrable forest!"

   *    *    *

   The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his 

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