place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests. A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer.

   "Get to work," the store-keeper urged.

   "I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared.

   When this had been provided:

   "Now give me a quart of whiskey."

   Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly:

   "Now show me the cellar."

   An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs and leaped into the store. His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in air and shouted:

   "Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"

   *    *    *

   Two Southern gentlemen, who were of very convivial habits, chanced to meet on the street at nine o'clock in the morning after an evening's revel together. The major addressed the colonel with decorous solemnity:

   "Colonel, how do you feel, suh?"

   The colonel left nothing doubtful in the nature of his reply:

   "Major," he declared tartly, "I feel like thunder, suh, as any Southern gentleman should, suh, at this hour of the morning!"

   *    *    *

   The old toper was asked if he had ever met a certain gentleman, also notorious for his bibulous habits.

   "Know him!" was the reply. "I should say I do! Why, I got him so drunk one night it took three hotel porters to put me to bed."

   *    *    *

   A farmer, who indulged in sprees, was observed in his Sunday clothes throwing five bushels of corn on the ear into the pen where he kept half a dozen hogs, and he was heard to mutter:

   "Thar, blast ye! if ye're prudent, that orter last ye."

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